Words Matter

Know this my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.—James 1:19-20 ESV

“Lord Jesus! Why am I this angry, and why did I almost curse? " I muttered to myself as I sat at my desk, staring off into space instead of focusing on the pile of paperwork I needed to work on at my job. "This isn't who I am anymore."

When I was in college, every other word out of my mouth was profane. Using profanity allowed me a freedom I didn’t have with my parents. My cussing became so bad that my roommate finally confronted me.

“Do you have to cuss all the time?” she asked.

I stared at her, dumbfounded and unable to answer. I didn’t know how to feel, and honestly, I'd never thought about the question she posed. In the following days, I tried to curb my language. But a few weeks later, the foul language returned. When I graduated from college and attended graduate school, the cussing slowly subsided. I found myself in a new environment, and my cussing phase seemed to end. However, I had the nagging feeling that it would only take another stressful situation before I'd be back to my former ways. Over the years, my friends and associates changed, and so did my propensity to curse. Then work got crazy, and my best friend died—sure enough, cussing crept back into my conversations.

I struggled. I wanted to please God but needed a way to express my feelings of anger, frustration, and exasperation. I needed to understand what was going on in my heart. As I look back on that time, I can see the things that triggered my use of profanity. It was no longer a desire for freedom of speech but a lack of control over all the changes happening in my life.

I didn’t want to be filled with anger, nor did I want to control every change in my life. The anger drained me. Happiness and joy had left the building. I wanted to be free from the anger that ate at my heart and mind. I wanted to be an unstoppable Christian. But anger held me back.

The Bible tells us that “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29, ESV). I wanted "great" understanding, but I didn't grasp how to be slow to anger. Determined to change, I created a plan to address my behavior, and it worked. Here's what I did.

1. Pray—Instinctively, I believed prayer would help, so I asked God to help me through challenging situations.

2. Find the root—The next thing was to understand what made me angry. Anger was a symptom, not the cause. I pondered the feelings attached to anger, such as frustration, anxiety, disrespect, and fear, and realized this was attached to unaddressed trauma.

3. Evaluate—As I grew and continue to grow in my relationship with Christ, I do consistent check-ins with my emotions and how I'm handling them.

   
   

   

   
   

   Am I perfect? Do I ever get everything right when it comes to how I should react to stress? Absolutely not. However, I'm better than I was before. I accept the grace and wisdom God provides for me and constantly pray for His presence. When God’s presence surrounds me, my anger calms. I see the situation more quickly. I evaluate where I could have represented Jesus better. I give more grace to other people who upset me. James 1 gives more steps for being slow to anger. In verse 19, the Word says “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak . . .(ESV)." I've learned to listen for God’s voice in the midst of anger, and I choose my words carefully, because words matter.

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Prayer: Father God, I love you. When I react in anger, calm my spirit to hear Your voice. Don’t allow me to wallow in the shame that comes when I make the same mistake again and again. Show me where I have grown and where I need to grow. Thank you for loving me. Amen.

Your Turn: Have you ever been so angry that you almost cussed? What feelings were attached to the anger? Were you able to dissect all the feelings housed in the anger? After you dissected the feelings, did you learn to ask God for help? After each mishap, were you able to see God working something new in your character?