Who Tames the Tongue?

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.—James 1:19 NIV

I often wake up early in the morning to snatch some quiet time before my husband gets up — the perfect time to read, pray, and write. Usually, while I’m sitting in my recliner reading, he walks by, headed to the den. Soon, the sound of the television blares breaks the serenity. When he’s awake, our home isn’t quiet. Ron likes everything loud—perhaps that comes from his years as a drummer in a local band during high school or his time in the Air Force.

Embracing Solitude and the Art of Listening

I enjoy solitude. Most mornings, weather permitting, my husband sits in front of the garage since the covered entryway is too small. As he listens to his favorite podcasts, he waves to neighbors passing our home. Ron is confident and talkative. He responds instantly, while I hesitate and stumble over my words. When people like him effortlessly engage in conversation, I view their words as self-confident and impactful. I sometimes wonder why—I’m slow to speak.

One day during my quiet time with the Lord, I confessed I wanted to be assertive like my spouse. I saw self-confidence as an asset until I read James 1:19 in my Bible. Through that scripture, God revealed the virtue of being slow to speak. Being slow to speak has many advantages. It means you are serious and ponder your words. Of course, there are extreme circumstances that warrant an immediate response.

A woman reading her Bible with her husband in the background

The Impact of Hasty Communication in a Fast-Paced World

We live in a fast-paced world that is increasingly active and noisy. Messages fly over the internet. We speak without contemplating our words or considering the viewpoint of others. It is effortless to respond without giving it a thought. We write words we’d never say face-to-face. Our careless words create misunderstandings. We release words, both spoken and written, that we can’t take back.

What are the benefits of using restraint with our words?

1.     We speak life.

According to James, chapter 3, our tongues are evil and able to destroy our entire body. We speak both life and death with our tongues. Our tongues reveal the true condition of our hearts. Only the Spirit of God can control our tongues. It is an impossible feat for us alone; the Holy Spirit is our helper, and He strengthens us.

2.     We receive discernment.

When we listen and are slow to speak, we are waiting for guidance from the Holy Spirit. He reveals Himself by bringing relevant scriptures to our minds. Leaning into the Spirit while listening transforms hearts. Our stony hearts become a pliable vessel. A lack of self-confidence becomes certainty in and dependence upon God. Faith grows. God gives us discernment when we are open to receiving it. We recognize the still whisper from His Holy Spirit.

Friends in a prayer circle

3.     We have a circle of influence.

Although most of us are not paid social media influencers, each of us has a circle of influence within our community. Our influence is good or bad. Listening and understanding are important components of any conversation. When we listen well and focus on the other person’s comments, we become less concerned with our responses. If we are Christians who are skilled listeners, our words are purposeful and seasoned with salt. Since our words carry weight and can change the course of another person’s life, we choose our words wisely.

4.     We are trustworthy witnesses to God’s love.

When we are slow to speak, it helps us avoid hasty decisions and commitments. Once we agree to something, we are committed to it. There is an understanding that we will follow through with our commitment. Our actions become more important than our words. Failure to do what we say harms relationships and our witness for Christ. Others no longer consider us trustworthy. Our word is our promise, so we fulfill our agreements.

God is transforming how I speak. Although my nature is to be slow to speak, God uses His Word to show me that I hesitate because of the fear of people. Now my delayed speech is to honor God with the words I speak. The Bible says it this way in Colossians 4:6 NIV: “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

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Prayer: Father God, thank you for revealing to me the importance of being slow to speak. I desire to honor you by controlling my tongue. It's impossible without your help. Please give me words of life and restoration to speak over others. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!

Your turn: How important are words to you? Do you struggle with taming your tongue? What helps you control your words? How can you practice being slow to speak?